First Published in Sibyl Magazine April 2018
Confusion, doubt, incessant mind games haunting the recesses of my mind. What is the truth? What do I believe?
Growing up with a narcissistic mother and then dealing with a father who was caught up in his fears and took his frustration out on me in many unpleasant ways. I often wonder how I’m so sane today. Or am I, or realistically is anyone?
Coming into this world I had a deep understanding and eagerness to learn, yet as I became more initiated into this human life with the twisted mind games a narcissist plays and the physical abuse the body endured. I rolled from having a well of deep compassion to feeling confused, fearful, alone and just wanting to go home. This world was cruel.
Yet, I chose my parents, and there was much to learn from them.
Honestly, it wasn’t until I was in my twenties I began to accept that statement. Prior when others from spiritual circles would express that, the hair at the back of my neck would prickle with disbelief and anger rose.
It was during a lunch break at a Reiki workshop I was teaching when one of my students who was sitting opposite reacted to something I said. She slammed her hands down on the table and launched her body towards me and screamed,
“I’ve had the same childhood and how can you be so positive?”
I remember, although shocked by the force of her energy. A calmness from within emerged, and I sat still for a moment feeling her pain, then compassionately said,
“There’s a saying that God never gives us more than we can handle. I was born with an awareness that has assisted me to see the positive through life’s challenges so that when I fall, and I do, I rise with hope and faith. Now, you have shared your husband is your rock. Tell me have you always had someone in your life that was your rock?”
She answered with calmer energy, “Yes.” I then said,
“I’ve never had a rock. Could you consider that your rock is similar to my positive nature for it has the same role in holding us when life throws bricks, and we fall?”
She thought for a moment and nodded in agreement as she settled back into her chair.
We are never, ever alone in our journey of learning to meander through this life. God/Universe gives us gifts to support in different ways, yet all leading to lift us when we fall.
My parents, I can honestly say I love with all my heart although they have chosen to be absent from my life. They gave me life, showed me their vulnerability, and although I’ve been twisted, reshaped and had a journey of hard learning through similar relationships. It’s been the untangling, simplifying and coming back to the authentic loving, and joyful me that has fuelled my purpose, because of my journey, for supporting and bringing hope into others’ lives.
In gratitude, Namaste
Until next week,
Maria Lacey was born in Australia. She has travelled extensively overseas being led by visions, dreams and spiritual guidance.
Maria writes about life (the human and spiritual path), the adversity, learning, musings and triumphs. A successful entrepreneur with over 19 years in her own business, Maria humorously states, “I am my greatest case study.”
Maria is a qualified Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, Reiki Master Teacher, Spiritual Teacher, Meditation Teacher, Healer, Channel and Speaker.
Maria is currently writing her second book about her spiritual travels overseas.
For further information about the author go to: http://www.marialacey.com.au/
Maria’s first book – https://www.amazon.com/One-Path-Many-Lights-Spiritual-ebook/dp/B00YOIOTIS