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Posts tagged ‘narcissism’

The Gift of the Messenger

SibylNov2018

First Published in Sibyl Magazine November 2018

There are events in our life that transpire to open us to deep and soulful healing, and this was one of them.

Within my heart of hearts, I’d wished for that day to come, and it did. I was meeting with someone I’d loved all their life and had been estranged from for some years. We met for only a short hour, but then, all came crashing down, and my heart cracked open leaving a huge crevice.

Initially, the hurt and pain were intense. So much so, in glimpses, I’d felt helpless and without hope. The event wasn’t the cause it was the catalyst that triggered multiple traumas I’d endured and had shelved, which flooded into my consciousness. The overwhelming emotion felt stuck. I could feel the tidal wave within, but I’d gone numb, and in shock, my mind froze, until, I chose consciously to release and allow the healing to begin.

That was a pivotal moment, and enlightening choice for it generated an outpouring of love and gratitude for that person because she was the ONE. The messenger, the gift.

It was time to set myself free, and I gave myself permission to TRULY heal those traumas. Several months later my relationship with that person opened like a lotus with such purity and renewal, and a new beginning was now possible.

Things had changed because I’d changed. Patterns had altered and were still in their adjustment stage. Supportive and loving beliefs had embedded within my consciousness, and the subconscious limiting beliefs and sabotaging habits had been cleared and re-set.

Through a profound awareness, I witnessed consciously my actions, thoughts and movement moment by moment, and day by day. I sensed my healing and the newness forming, but I noticed unconscious patterns and how quickly I reverted to the previous default behaviour. Yes, just like our computer settings we do have subconscious defaults.

In those moments I stopped midstream and felt within, and my realisations came quickly and with acknowledgement and understanding. I didn’t berate myself, in fact, I congratulated myself for the recognition and then felt empowered to choose between the old way of being and the new and more conscious way.

The old way, had me moving through life in survival mode. It was understandable because the innocence of the child was taken so young through physical abuse, manipulation and narcissism. The realisation was that even though, she was an intelligent, compassionate child of the stars she had never felt good enough and worthy, which filtered into her adult life. It undermined her growth and happiness with busyness, doing and should.

The new conscious way, I felt empowered, good enough, and worthy. It motivated me to thrive and to create through love, SELF-LOVE.

Simplicity, gratitude and a soft focus are my way forward. Each movement, I ask, “Is this loving me?” For I now walk with purpose upon this earth with a renewed passion to restore hope into the hearts of many. Including mine.

Until next week,

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Maria Lacey was born in Australia and has travelled extensively overseas being led by visions, dreams and spiritual guidance.

The author of a personal and spiritual memoir, One Path, Many Lights. Maria writes about life (the human and spiritual path), the adversity, learning, musings, and triumphs.

A successful entrepreneur with over 19 years in her own business, Maria humorously states, “I am my greatest case study.” Maria is a qualified Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, Reiki Master Teacher, Spiritual Teacher, Meditation Teacher, Sound Healer, Channel, Author and Speaker.

Maria feels passionate about restoring hope into the hearts of many.

For further information about the author go to: http://www.marialacey.com.au/

Maria’s first book – https://www.amazon.com/One-Path-Many-Lights-Spiritual-ebook/dp/B00YOIOTIS

Life’s Unseen Gifts

SibylApril2018

First Published in Sibyl Magazine April 2018

Confusion, doubt, incessant mind games haunting the recesses of my mind. What is the truth? What do I believe?

Growing up with a narcissistic mother and then dealing with a father who was caught up in his fears and took his frustration out on me in many unpleasant ways. I often wonder how I’m so sane today. Or am I, or realistically is anyone?

Coming into this world I had a deep understanding and eagerness to learn, yet as I became more initiated into this human life with the twisted mind games a narcissist plays and the physical abuse the body endured. I rolled from having a well of deep compassion to feeling confused, fearful, alone and just wanting to go home. This world was cruel.

Yet, I chose my parents, and there was much to learn from them.

Honestly, it wasn’t until I was in my twenties I began to accept that statement. Prior when others from spiritual circles would express that, the hair at the back of my neck would prickle with disbelief and anger rose.

It was during a lunch break at a Reiki workshop I was teaching when one of my students who was sitting opposite reacted to something I said. She slammed her hands down on the table and launched her body towards me and screamed,

“I’ve had the same childhood and how can you be so positive?”

I remember, although shocked by the force of her energy. A calmness from within emerged, and I sat still for a moment feeling her pain, then compassionately said,

“There’s a saying that God never gives us more than we can handle. I was born with an awareness that has assisted me to see the positive through life’s challenges so that when I fall, and I do, I rise with hope and faith. Now, you have shared your husband is your rock. Tell me have you always had someone in your life that was your rock?”

She answered with calmer energy, “Yes.” I then said,

“I’ve never had a rock. Could you consider that your rock is similar to my positive nature for it has the same role in holding us when life throws bricks, and we fall?”

She thought for a moment and nodded in agreement as she settled back into her chair.

We are never, ever alone in our journey of learning to meander through this life. God/Universe gives us gifts to support in different ways, yet all leading to lift us when we fall.

My parents, I can honestly say I love with all my heart although they have chosen to be absent from my life. They gave me life, showed me their vulnerability, and although I’ve been twisted, reshaped and had a journey of hard learning through similar relationships. It’s been the untangling, simplifying and coming back to the authentic loving, and joyful me that has fuelled my purpose, because of my journey, for supporting and bringing hope into others’ lives.

In gratitude, Namaste

Until next week,

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Maria Lacey was born in Australia. She has travelled extensively overseas being led by visions, dreams and spiritual guidance.

Maria writes about life (the human and spiritual path), the adversity, learning, musings and triumphs. A successful entrepreneur with over 19 years in her own business, Maria humorously states, “I am my greatest case study.”

Maria is a qualified Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, Reiki Master Teacher, Spiritual Teacher, Meditation Teacher, Healer, Channel and Speaker.

Maria is currently writing her second book about her spiritual travels overseas.

For further information about the author go to: http://www.marialacey.com.au/

Maria’s first book – https://www.amazon.com/One-Path-Many-Lights-Spiritual-ebook/dp/B00YOIOTIS

A Leap of Faith

SibylMarch2018

First Published in Sibyl Magazine March 2018

I woke this morning, and as my eyes opened, I heard my voice with such a gentle tone saying, “It’s time to move.” Every part of me felt at peace, and in my heart, I knew what that meant.

It was time to sell my home and move once again in the direction of the unknown, yet this time was very different. It was bigger so much bigger, for I was to leave the security I had created over the past seventeen years. A sanctuary I knew was safe. A place my children had grown and a place where I flourished and ran my holistic business, a place called home.

Realistically, at the age of fifty-two, it felt huge! Even though I didn’t own my home and had a mortgage, it was my only form of financial security.

There was no-one in my future to save me financially, estranged from my family, a child bought up with physical abuse and narcissism there was a reality for my sense of safety. Though I knew, I had to take this leap of faith, and with an incomplete picture, I stepped onto that path.

Within a month my home was sold, I gave away most of my possessions, jumped into my little car, and set off house sitting.

Soon after, I realised the larger picture and why my soul had guided me to experience without the busyness to distract me. It was vital for me to face and conquer my greatest fear, and that was the fear of being unsafe, vulnerable and in pain. My home was my sanctuary, and I’d created a safe and secure nest, where my pain and vulnerability could be protected! By letting everything go, I had forced myself to honestly see me and run head on and face that fear, and see it for what it was, an illusion.

It’s been four years. I’ve gained wisdom in knowing I can feel safe and secure no matter where I’m living, and now fully understand that my home is really where my heart is.

Also, I’ve discovered that I’m strong and can set clear boundaries, be flexible, tolerant and patient. I’m genuinely trusting my intuition and guidance because it has always shown me the way, history had taught me that, even when I chose to ignore it. I’ve become friends with my vulnerability and love the softness I feel being close to it.

To allow oneself to be vulnerable is a strength, but the first step takes courage.

I’m not advocating you do this; it’s quite radical. I’m sharing my truth of my soul’s journey to heal and grow, and how discomfort can breathe new life into us if we only STOP and feel into it, listen, appreciate, process and transform.

Holding onto the past sucks, moving into the present and creating from a healed state is liberating.

Do I regret my choice? Not at all, because I trust my soul loves me, and my heart knows.

Until next week,

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Maria Lacey was born in Australia. She has travelled extensively overseas being led by visions, dreams and spiritual guidance.

Maria writes about life (the human and spiritual path), the adversity, learning, musings and triumphs. A successful entrepreneur with over 18 years in her own business, Maria humorously states, “I am my greatest case study.”

Maria is a qualified Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, Reiki Master Teacher, Spiritual Teacher, Meditation Teacher, Healer, Channel and Speaker.

Maria is currently writing her second book about her spiritual travels overseas.

For further information about the author go to: http://www.marialacey.com.au/

Maria’s first book – https://www.amazon.com/One-Path-Many-Lights-Spiritual-ebook/dp/B00YOIOTIS